The Female Deity

Way back when no boyfriends existed in my life I had a best friend name ‘L’ (not real name)

She was the most beautiful friend I’ve ever known. Many people thought we were sisters, as we were both inseparable. Back then, I  always wished that I was as lucky as her. Her uniform was always neatly ironed; her hair was neatly combed and tied up with ribbons, she has the prettiest pencil box, school bag and of course, L was the favorite to many teachers in school.

 

 I was her shadow.

It was the Sports Day of 1997 at my primary school. L and I were neither in the same team nor class that year. I was in the yellow team she was in the hot red team. That year, my team won.

As I proudly wore my medal, I rushed out the crowd to look for L to show her. I saw her crying at the field bench. I knew why she cried, she didn’t get to go home with a medal like mine.

I gave her my medal to take it home. 

When I got home, and told my family that I won, they asked me where my medal was? I remember, my siblings started making fun of me thinking I lost. It didn’t matter to me that time as giving L my medal was actually the best feeling ever. I made my best friend happy.

When we were both 12 years old, L wanted to join the ‘Tunas Puteri’ hike to Bukit Gasing. She needed company, and so, not letting her down, I promise I will company her for the hike.

In the morning, I had an asthma attack. I insisted to still go for the hike when my mum told me to rest. “I promised” I said, and a promise to a friend should never be broken.

Panting with ventolin in my hands, I still went for the damn hike. I was slow as I was out of breath. We made it to the top and I was half dead by the time we reached the hill. 

Come high school L was the cheerleader, the Leo club member the one that sings to Britney’s tunes and I was the hockey, tennis player, and a cadet in the Police club who plays the guitar learning tabs and chords. As the days, weeks, months and years gone by, slowly we were apart.

Many times I wondered why and how it happened. We never talked or smiled whenever we passed by each other. One day a little birdy told me that L’s parents were not fond of me being her friend and thought that I was a bad influence. 

I have to admit that I was a messy one in school. Some friends might remember I was always the one climbing the fences to get a quick smoke outside school. I was the one who was always missing classes. Oh those tantrum days.

Her new group of friends always… and I say ALWAYS gave me a stare like I don’t belong in their Bimbo Circle.

I put my feet down to accept that I was a wreck. Slowly, i let the friendship go and wished her and her pretentious friends who think they are all the Serena and Blair of the damn school success in studies and future. Who am I kidding ‘Fuck you bitches!’

Now, some Serena and Blair kinds ended up manning the service counter in TANGS stores all I know. Call me horrible, but yea. 

at they're utmost proudest phase of life, they should know that, being all bitchy will not bring your cheerleader ass anywhere. As you step out of high school, no one cares who you are. You are nobody but the lame Jane and John Doe’s. Everyone is equally judge as that little step you take to go to college is like a new life all together. It is a second chance to know yourself better. You have two path to choose, the bad or the good. the weird or the cool. the low or high profile etc

So, be honest and nice. 

Karma bites your ass when you least expected it. Karma bites Bitchy ass' thrice.

I started new and  threw all my fellow school friends away to  give myself a second chance, a different crowd and to search for worthy ones. I was and still am very cautious with the girls I mix with. I’m sorry, but I choose my girlfriends as I keep those who are not a bloody baby. And just like how I’d breathlessly climbed the hill for L, I’ll do the same, or maybe climb a higher hill for the lady friends I keep any damn time.

How it was in high school affected me and made me who I am today too. That feeling of envy but loyal, cared but estranged, proud but down to earth, changed me. It made me worked not twice but thrice as hard in college than I ever did in school. Not entirely in academics but a sort of motivation to plant at least some good worth to myself. Sheesh I had awesome fun in college I really did! Now, I am grooming myself to manage my own company one day. Insyaallah.

It is less than the fingers i have but now, I have  great bunch of girl friends who never, NEVER look down on me like how high school did. (i welcome more! i don't bite i swear!)

some of the beautiful bunch

Whenninaspeaks:- 

"I am glad I climbed the school fence. I guess I was gutsy and more curious to know about the outside world behind those bloody fence you chose to be in!"

i.am.far.from.the.usual.