Men, My Men

A late night sleep dragged me up from bed this morning. Woke up a little late as usual but manage to get to the office on time.

It was a holiday yesterday, Nuzul Al-Quran, marks the day our Prophet receives the first line of the Quran. A slow day it was and I can’t remember how many times I woke and slept and woke and slept.When I finally got up, I got angry.

Now I know the reason when when mum bangs the door and yelled “Nina wake up! “or ” senja  Bangun!”. When all I did was curling up under the covers, it left a bad headache in me throughout the whole night.

I was just angry because I had problem sleeping for weeks I guess.

“People who have problems with sleep are at increased risk for developing emotional disorders, depression, and anxiety.”

When you lie down on your bed, all cozz-ed up under your blanket, shut your eyes while you take a deep breath and hope that a goodnight dream floats you to sleep.They say, next the day will be a “fresh” day ahead.

I in the other hand cozz-ed up, shut my eyes and that’s it. The whole night I could hear the sound of my aircond and fan (yes, I use both coz im hot like that), the water flowing in my toilet drain, nearly everything i could hear till dawn. It was frustrating.

And so my evening for iftar was utterly horrible. I didn’t even help to set the table or heat up the leftovers till dad woke me up for soup.

The evening got better after a cigarette break with Dad after iftar. I saw, my dad's worried face in each inhalation of he's yucky Benson & Hedges stick followed by a  calm exhalation of the cancerous smoke.

Dad told me to start saving and get myself an asset, a home on my own. I was relieved when he brought that up as I was always scared to ask him if I could live on my own one day. I plan to have a small place of my own before my little left finger is slipped with a silver black stone ring.

He reminded me that we are blessed after all the things we have been through as a family especially during the hard times; we still managed to have a taste of good food, things and comfortable life. I must say I agree with dad, and shame on me for not taking time to thank GOD and my parents for this.

Up till today I proudly carry with me manners and portray humbleness to myself and towards others. And it is all planted in me by none other than my parents and past.

When I was young I saw dad struggle to help others.Even when he had nothing he still tries to come up with something. I remember he used to have Pondok Didik, a home, a correctional shelter for the troubled and poor somewhere in PJ. After that, dad worked on proposals after proposals on humanity, society, education until there is a Cypress tree in our family that gave us a better and comfortable life.

Now, dad grooms my two brothers to move and maintain what he did from scratch. They work hard together on Societal Developments in the rural parts of a state. Alhamdulillah as this brought us, family, to where we are now.

I did video slides ( a sum up of what they did) and got really impressed to see the men of my family doing what they are doing through pictures of them going on ground. Enforcing manpower for teaching and helping the young, the elderly, women, and man by providing them a space to start a healthy society. I will upload it soon.

I am embarrassed to say that I myself am not really clear on how the company functions hence i don’t dare to write a bunch about it. But aside from this societal initiatives they’re doing, Cypress subsidized its company to many other pillars of field too.

I use to tell myself that one day if i were to get married with any man, I want them to have the heart like my father, the responsibility and effort like my big brother and the mind and humble attitude of my younger brother. or at least i could groom one to be this way..
 

It is a slow day in the office today.

Whenninaspeaks:

She quotes “We are a very western Malay family, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have the Melayu heart and spirit in us,” said dad (Azhar Harun)

The Dusk

A very smooth drive home from work with the brown mcd bag for papa's supper. By the time I reached the Bukit Jelutong toll, it was 7:40pm.

There it was ..
Iftar in every muslims home back at my place, and it was a peaceful sight ..

Houses lights are on and u can see and hear families seating on the dining table eating together. This amazes me as at that particular second when dusk hugs the sky, while the beautiful sound of Azan in the echoes of the faded dark sky, most of the muslims in the world are sipping their first drop of water and tasting food after a full day of fasting.

For a minute there my mind was clear, and in that very moment I thought nothing at all but took my time, driving through the Empty Street ...

Whenninaspeaks:

She quotes "The city feels clean this time of night, Just empty streets and me walking home, To clear my head" empty street, Late Night Alumni

Tight LikeThe Fish's Ass

It is all about press releases, at work these few days. My task was to translate a solid English press release into Bahasa Malaysia! and yes, up till 6:30 pm yesterday I made it through till the last full stop. Of course la my boss who was an ex writer in NST had to like seat with me and check the damn thing. 

He came to realize that I like the word "Untuk" and laughed each time we came across that word in the press release. 

See, the press release is about our company's latest HR Policy on CSR. In our yearly appraisal, 10 percent of the points earned would come from our involvements in any CSR activities. Finally a reason to do good to get better points for appraisal and to mark up yearly bonuses. I think its brilliant!

With help from my colleague, they gave me a useful translator site in google and it helped me alot. It wasnt completely correct but the words that you needed are there and all you gotta do is to make sense.. 

You can see that the translation is some what rather weird but from there you can actually fix it with your own Bahasa undersatanding. Not really sure if it is helpful for anyone else but hell it helped me completed my task.

Today when a friend asked a translation word in twitter, guess who replied la? :) hehhe wasnt sure if its right or not but, gained pahala  at least do something nice :) the help from my dear friend Ju An who took time referring to Dewan Bahasa Pustaka also helped alot! haih .. we PR & Marcom ppl gotta stick togetha!

A few points my boss reminded me when writing to "be mindful what you write","first para is the most crucial part of a press release", "each para should be short and straight forward", "a para should not have more than 3 lines", "no capital aside the first word in a title".and oh! yea a quote he gave me by Joseph S. "Make it tight just like a fish's ass".

Now, translation of any press release from English to BM will be handed to me. Shit. Macam gempak sangat...lah my Bahasa."Nina, did you checkout Berita Harian's paper today?" Did you look at the styles and word they use?" my boss reminded me this first thing in the morning. oh crap. soon you'll be seeing me reading Harian Metro.

Up till I sent out the press releases to the press, he taught me. The fact that he was a writer, made me more eager to know how the editors would like a press release to be. From drafting a note to the editor appropriately, to BCC and follow ups. I knew the flow after 4 years Doing PR, and i use to work in a newspaper but never have I encountered interest in really learning the core of an Editors ways and all until today. but hey! no harm learning a more precise way ey?

I even asked him did he get irritated when PR agencies calls him on the phone to check if the Press Release is in his inbox? he said, "it depends how you say it, how clearly and how fast" - another tip.

I hate writing still. And if you read my blog u could see that some part of my grammar is bad. I just didn't care because I write while my heart says the word. oh yes, writing when you are angry is a productive release :)

Whenninaspeaks :

"In loop, In mind, in the most Striving time"

The Cycle of ..

I carry a naked face to work today. who cares, all vulnerable already. Its like everyone could see you inside out knowing your thoughts and feelings. 

A lesson to learn and to be shared with everyone, always top up your Touch n Go card and never let yourself queue in the  ticket lane in the morning. I was late to work.. AGAIN.

The weekend was short as I was being a zombie myself. Friday filled my after hours with "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" and it was depressing. I'm glad I have that lil bit of humanity in me for loving animals. I learned it from the best I must say. The humans being crazy over the need of medicine that they have to put the chimpanzees in misery. The movie was a bit slow at first but also ended up making me wanting a pet monkey that is smart as Caesar in the movie.

Saturday's Iftar was with the family at Kura Japanese Restaurant @ One World again. Spread was good despite the unorganized and late service from the waiter. There I saw Ramadhan filled with  impatient people. You know la, the month of no devils of any kind, so if you're that bad you are Bad thingy. That's what I realized when it comes to food. Kesian the waiter, if it was me, Ramadhan or not I'll be spitting in your food for being freaking impatient.

Sunday was better. woke up at 4pm (not!) got ready for my favorite dinner at Baan @ Changkat. Something about the Tom Yam there that i cant resist. Everything there just taste so good and very consistent. The night followed by a movie that I regretted watching. "Cowboys and Aliens". I nearly snoozed and snoozed and snoozed.

Thought too many over the weekend. I wanted to fly to another country, working on my career, get myself a cozy crib, to do good for a homeless home but it got stuck when I was doing my accountings with the debts Im tied in. Then it all back slashed the things I plan.

"This cycle of addiction is very powerful and users soon find that they cannot stop even if they want to."

Little to know as Ikki (little clever brother) explained how the effects of Crystal Meth are. Meth releases a surge of dopamine, causing an intense rush of pleasure or prolonged sense of euphoria.Over time, meth destroys dopamine receptors, making it impossible to feel pleasure. In a sum, ikki said that it kills the dopamine which produces pleasure in your brain and the only way you could get pleasure is to sniff it over and over again. That is whack. I was in a middle of reading A Million Little Pieces a semi fictional memoir by James Frey who struggles with alcohol and drug abuse and began to understand the pain. I pray none of my love ones would face such struggle. I pray.

A friendly tweet comforted my morning. who would have known a good gesture form someone you barely talk to you would make you feel better. a simple line as You can Do it Girl puts a warm smile in me. Thank you :)

Have a pleasant Monday to all wherever you are. Lets hope a good week leads us well . need a good laugh? my older brother ladies and gentlemen:-

whenninaspeaks:

"That Voice ..."

Yours Truly

Carry a lil part of your Past. Carry it with a Smile.

And so I am on a Facebook break awhile for a personal  reason. I'd say its refreshing and my day so far has been productive completing work aside peeking onto FB all the time. Recently I experienced the real "last time moment" and it really really broke me to pieces. A wrong click in FB leads you to a lifetime regret.

Being out of the social network gives me time away from a certain situation I don't and cant face. It gives you the strength by being lonely awhile which is abso-fuckinglutely helpful. I'd reckon this to move one-ers :D

Someone told me to keep writing. Lily. Never really thought anyone would read this crap but its nice to know that  someone actually is :)  I don't usually do reviews or  type out every single damn thing that i do everyday. Instead, a sum of what i learned or experienced daily. Its true when they say everyday is a new experience.

Finding someone to be able to accept you of who you are is a struggle. I have come to realize that no one could ever accept your true self but .. yourself.

So i got into an argument about the people from my past that I carry with me dearly until today. Yes, most of them done shit, major bull crap to me but are still in my FB friend list, bbm contacts and all other possible communication ways.

Is it wrong to have an open heart to forgive the people who hurt you and to fucking be an adult and move on?

To me, these people were the closest during those phases Ive been through. Like I mentioned in my last post, I don't have many friends. so they're the ones who kinda know me in and out of my little empty life. Some find it awkward being friends after the relationship but I'd take most of em in good terms. To look at the big picture and accept what cant be changed.

Despite the worst that I have been through with someone, I learned that there are some good moments, advices, memories that are worth carrying forward.

Respect it and learn from it. whats the big deal? it all comes to one particular thing.Jealousy.

 But then again not everyone is like me. not everyone is as silly as what ninaspeaks.

Wheninaspeaks :

"ITS NOT WRONG TO CARRY A LIL PART OF YOUR PAST WITH YOU AS YOU MOVE ON. ITS THE JEALOUSY OF THE NEXT PERSON THAT WOULD INTRUDE YOUR KIND PRINCIPLES."

Today is History.

dead.

EVERY ONE OF THEM THAT I KNOW ...

its 1 am and I'm actually finalizing a transcript for a damn cover story in a magazine. Happy Wesak day to all and I really utilized my public holiday today by lazing on the bed with my Criminal Minds season 2 on show doing nothing... and I'm telling you nothing at all.

Lately I've been feeling sooo demotivated to work. its like tomorrow is not something i look forward to anymore. i dd-drag myself to wake up every morning and took my sweet time getting ready or even driving to the office. The vibe in the office is just terrible and everyday I'd try to fix appointments just so i don't  stay in the office too long.

I stumbled upon a blog today of an old friend. Not quite sure of what to expect but somehow I manage to dug up past situations of a short period of time in 2007 that involves someone very dear to me now.

I was sad for many reasons and this is not the first time i stumbled upon blogs that has similar stories on the same person.

Many people thinks that i don't deserve a lot of things. I know that and I can easily know who they are, the "unhappy" ones but, it bothers me that some people claim that they know ME deep to the core. How pretentious can a person be to be able to pull off such judgment of not only me but anyone. Its simple as how i see it is that, when you judge you'd tell people what you think to bring them down. Word of mouth are just an unethical way to bitch.to be direct, its a fucking coward way. You wanna bitch about someone at least tell it straight to their faces so that at least we the "receivers" could try and fix it or clarify things. seriously, I'm not only talking bout girls but man too! they bitch like a ... geesh a bitching girl!

Since kindergarten I've had more guy friends than girls. I'd hit that ball thrown for rounders than playing barbie, I'd climb the trees than wishing i had a pony. dammit! I'd wear my brothers jersey than to wear something in pink or girly back then. I remember very clearly and what i most remembered was that i was happy and felt free and fun!

Primary was nothing but a bunch of girls.I never got friendly or had girlie sessions like make up or hair braiding sessions. I could only remember my tennis classes and as usual, friends such as Zareef, Kali, Jeremy was a more challenging buddy then the girls I'm close with in the class. no doubt they're wonderful, but the dramas, fights and unnecessary jealousy has always been a dirtier game when its played by a group of eves.

*sigh* i do have beautiful and wonderful girlfriends from young, high school, college and work around me. but i say one thing, it is less than the finger i have with me.

this piece is not just for me, i know for a fact that many hates it when rumors spread and judgmental stares from people is generally freaking annoying.

I dunno. i gotta be humble and keep my head down and i think that is what I've been doing all this time despite some hurdles i've faced but then, i got pride, so if you have something to say about me I'd suggest you tell it to my face, or maybe I'd just sit down on my bed lazing through the days and sing ..

"have a toast to the douche bags, lets have a toast to the assholes, lets have a toast to the scumbags, EVERYONE OF THEM THAT I KNOW, lets have a toast to the jerkoffs they'll never take work off, baby i gotta plan, RUNAWAY as fast as you can" Kanye - Runaway

 this is to everyone one of them that i know...

The Hurricane

To the Lily in Me, 

I write for the Lily in Me.

Yours Truly.

Breathe .. let me breathe

I've moved on a loong way since i last wrote. Many has change, for the past 1 year to be exact. I will be a year older this coming 29th and yet im very much am still clueless and confuse of what to expect in the near future.


my family got bigger and blessed with my sisters lil beautiful baby name Natalia Khadijah, born 23rd December last year. she is now, 4 months old and geesh she can really scream.

I've moved on with a new journey career wise in Warner Music Malaysia. im not entirely proud of it yet as i am still struggling to adapt to the whole music industry. i have been dreaming of working in the music industry since i was a in high school.. never thought it'll be tough and horrifying hectic.there, i am the Senior Executive for Promo/Marketing international repertoire mainly handling print medias.

When its Warner Music - Deftones



When its Warner Music - Bruno Mars

many asked and wondered why the change from being a media to servicing a media, simply because I am still willing to climb up a ladder in what i wanted to do. to eventually spread my wings in the marketing part? i must say perks being in a media was wonderful. my experience there in Mtoday was an experience i'll never forget in my whole freaking life however at a certain point i realized that being in the comfort zone too long wont help especially for my own personal development. its a challenge here in Warner Music and im struggling but i believe that it'll soon be alright.
I am proud to actually say that i am a degree student now too! under University of Derby, currently im in a part time degree course for marketing :)


Many MANY changed  from the last time i wrote, with who i am with now, or surrounded by, im more or less moving on with my life from a certain mistake that i made in this short period of time.. i am remakably happy certain things got ugly, but i very much hoep its all for a better cause, i really do very much hope its true..


"When Nina Speaks ... Let her breathe"


Sincerely yours
Nina

Nina Kamalia - My life off Course

Interview with Malaysian Today during my last day. thank you all for believing, supporting and shaping me up to be what i am now .. purely youthful in heart.

"Great Things Are Only If You Try" By Yeevone Ong

Only turning 25 this year, Azrina ‘Nina’ Kamalia Azhar is in the prime of her career. Born on the April 29, the bubbly youth is on her way to a bigger stage in an international entertainment industry. And she gives all the credit to her time working with Malaysian Today for the past two years.

Nina had always been dedicated to the Public Relations. Her first job was no less than that. She was a PR Coordinator for Best Western Premiere Seri Pacific Hotel before moving on in a bank which she found was not her cup of tea. She received a supportive nudge from her General Manager then, suggesting that she moved on to bigger things in a different field. Thus began her hunt to her next move.

“I went on Job street and found Malaysian Today’s advertisement for a PR/Marcomm Executive and submitted my resume.” They called her up later and everything else was history

Nina was primarily in charge of media partnerships. She would meet up with media representatives and tie them up with the company, making sure all parties were happy with the trade – page (s) in Malaysian Today in exchange for sponsorships and support from media partners. That was no easy task. She had to improvise and negotiate the demands of the company’s policies and the media partners to meet the targets she had on the job while constantly juggling deadlines.

However, no struggle is uneventful. “I was a very shy person “, Nina said with the light-heartedness she exudes the moment we shook hands. She recalled her first few days with Malaysian Today, remembering how reserved and uncomfortable she was and how she had wanted to give up because she thought she could not blend in. but she weathered through the tough times and ended up loving her job to its core.

Nina gushed at how much she enjoyed her work. She appreciated how the company had given her the liberty to do whatever she thought was fit for the company. But most of all, she loved the perks that came with the job.

“I am going to miss getting to go for press conferences, events and concerts, which happens to be the best part of the job.” She said with a full grin. She had not only had the chance to meet but interview local and international artistes. Nothing better delights a music lover that the opportunity to rub shoulders with some of the biggest names in the entertainment industry.

And that is another thing that Nina prides herself with when it came to working in Malaysian Today. Most of the other publications tend to be more selective when sending their team members to cover certain events. Concerts and press conferences were almost always attended by writers only.

“Malaysian Today is cosy enough to let you dip your hands in every angle of the company. Nina said. She had had the opportunity to help with the editorial, sales, and design departments besides handling her work. “This way you get to build a fuller understanding of not only the company but the industry as a whole,” she added in respond to how she felt her time with Malaysian Today had prepared her for a climb up a taller ladder in a bigger company.

Nina was not born with the PR skills that she now have. It was through her courage to try and perseverance that she rose to excel in something that she was initially discouraged to try.

Her extraordinary character should truly be an inspiration especially to those who are just about to step out of the academic world. “You can’t be too choosy with your first jobs. Even if you don’t do well, you’re still young, you can move on.” Or it could end up to be one of the greatest experiences of your life, like how it did for Nina.